Onward He Goes and End of 2021

2021 has been a no-entry quiet year here for me on the blog. I apologize. It's been a struggle. In January my eldest Son went into the hospital and has been in and out with some health issues the entire year. In April my doctor told me that my brain tumor doubled in size. I haven't been really vocal about it on social media, but I've been quietly dealing with the reality that I'd have to be facing a higher level of pain for the rest of my life. It is still benign. Thankfully, but it will cause me pain. June hit and covid came to our family. I was out with pneumonia that comes with it for almost two months. Somewhere in the midst of it, I asked the Lord why I was still permitted to live. Yes. It got that bad. I am still recovering. My lungs are weak. However, something good has come. For at the end of this struggle, we have this miracle. 

 
 In 2008 when I started this blog, my baby was not even in elementary school and I was just struggling for sanity. Many of my faithful followers have been with me through all of the changes and challenges of this baker Mom's life and seen this little dude basically grow up on the blog. He's been such an amazing influence in my journey and inspired me to do so many hard things. From my first TV spot on local TV on raising kids on whole foods to getting out and teaching moms how to cook. 

Later when he and his brother were in school I started working a full-time job and supporting the family so my husband could be a full-time care provider for his parents. That was hard.  This little dude was always part of the fabric of the blog and the family, bringing joy to the food and the fun ideas to the recipes we would create. Often we'd teach homeschool classes with other children. Both of my boys were always involved in that part of what I did with the recipes. Back then I called him Face on the blog. His name is actually Luke. 

At age 18 Luke now has an Associates's degree in Business Accounting and has graduated from Seminary. He is determined to go into Horticultural Science and Agronomy when he returns in two years. January he will start something else. I mean he will be growing but in a totally different way. 

Sunday I'll be speaking in the church at a send-off service. In two weeks, Luke will be devoting his life to serving Jesus Christ and God as a full-time missionary in Denver, Colorado. In this day and age, it is a brave and honorable thing to devote any portion of one's life to that level of service. We're very proud of him. I admit that I'm nervous to see him go. Sad even, as I've relied so heavily on Luke for so many things over the last few years, but I am so thankful for his willingness to serve the Lord. 

Other updates.

My husband Ace is still the primary care provider for his mother, who lives with us here in the mountains of Arizona. It's probably the least appreciated job on earth, but he does it every day without complaint and with kindness.

Our eldest son Sam is still here with us as well. After a year of health struggles and stuff, I'm seriously grateful for that. His health has not permitted him to serve as a missionary. He loves everyone. He is a kind and good man with a bright mind and wonderful thoughtfulness in everything he does. He brings me so much joy. Sam has finished his Associates's degree as well and continues to pursue his personal goals. 

So 2021 ends with some pretty wonderful news and some miracles. We're all still here. Luke leaves soon for Denver. Sam is alive and smiling. I'm still working at a job that I adore.  I've been with them for 5 years and they've continued to be an answer to prayer time and time again. 

Ace continues to cheer for all of us. Oh. That's my favorite part. Ace continues to be the best darn Dad and husband a family could hope to have. He's also about the kindest and most thoughtful son he could be to his mom. In a crazy world full of insanity, this is all we can hope for. 

There you go. Merry Christmas to all. I hope your year has been full of adventures and joy. I've missed updating here, but please know that we are well. 

Always My Very Best,

Chef Tess

Giant Sunflowers and Faith

Faith is the principal of action in all intelligent beings.

Flip a light switch, why? Faith that it will turn on or off. Plant a seed why? Faith that it will grow. Faith in God is so real. It is something that actually has power to move mountains. I I bring this up because of these sunflowers. We have been a little obsessed with some of the giant varieties as of late and ordered some seeds. I had no idea if these Mongolian Giant and Sunzilla varieties would get as tall as the 15 feet that they were advertised to grow. After all, everything on the internet isn't true and someone could have just put that random sunflower seed in a package and charged us, not thinking we'd actually follow-through with the planting. Right?

Well. Here's the truth. I didn't really know it would happen, but my son put these support poles in place just as the baby 6 inches sunflowers had emerged. He knew without a doubt that these babies would grow BIG! I'm pretty sure he prayed for their success. He watered them. He made sure the had enough fertilizer. Yes. We actually had the conversation, because I had no idea that was a thing and he had researched all the successful growing methods for big sunflowers.

His faith amazes me. His actions to back his faith amaze me too. It inspires me. and it most definitely paid off.

Faith doesn't fall upon us by chance. Most certainly, this faith was not by accident. It was by choice.

 So this is your reminder: 

Not everything on the internet is a lie. There are life-changing truths that you can find.
Faith is a real principle.
God is most certainly in charge of things.
Oh...and God is super smart. Seriously. How can a seed do all leaves and the stem and the giant flowers and well aaaaaall the plants in the whole world?! 
I'm going to trust Him a whole lot more, especially in this crazy 2020 world. 

Faith is a deliberate choice. Think about that.  Choosing to believe and backing that belief with action, is what truly will make a difference in the world.  In just a 6 short months my son will be leaving home and serving the Lord as a full-time missionary. While my heart aches at the thought of not having his amazing soul near me everyday, I cannot wait to see all the results of his remarkable Faith as he goes forward. 

Neil L. Andersen said: The Savior perceived the strength or weakness in the faith of those around Him. To one, He said approvingly, “Great is thy faith.”¹ He lamented to another, “O ye of little faith.”² He questioned others, “Where is your faith?”³ And Jesus distinguished yet another with, “[In all Israel] I have not found so great faith.”⁴

I ask myself, “How does the Savior see my faith?”

I ask you, “How does the Savior see your faith?”

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is not something ethereal, floating loosely in the air. Faith does not fall upon us by chance or stay with us by birthright. It is, as the scriptures say, “substance …, the evidence of things not seen.”⁵ Faith emits a spiritual light, and that light is discernible.⁶ Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe⁷ and as we seek it and hold on to it. 

Your faith is either growing stronger or becoming weaker. 

Faith is a principle of power, important not only in this life but also in our progression beyond the veil.⁸ By the grace of Christ, we will one day be saved through faith on His name.⁹ 

The future of your faith is not by chance, but by choice.

I am choosing Faith.

Your Friend in Christ,

 Tess

Bread of Life Section: My Preeminent Identity

Sunday is the day I share a little of my soul. Enjoy.

It's been a bit. Things have been insane here.  In all honesty, I feel like I've been under a bit if a spiritual and emotional attack...

 I can joke about it now. But in reality, it has been several months since I felt like I was normal. I've been discouraged. I'd been trying to face my battles alone. I'd had physical and spiritual pain. There were heartbreaks when circumstances and my reality were very different from what I had anticipated. I was a shining example of a whining baby girl. I wanted justice. I wanted the person I trusted to know that they failed me. I was disoriented. My first response to hardships was not good.

Mainly, I had allowed myself to get numb to my real identity. My preeminent Identity, being that I am a daughter of God. Remembering deep down that I am a child of the Almighty God and heir to His kingdom, would have made the last few months a lot more bearable. Yet I allowed myself instead to focus on the distractions. It's easy to do. Perhaps you've done it too?

"The more distractions that surround us, the easier it is to treat casually, then ignore, and then forget our connection with God" (learn more about this phenomenon Here)

Let me explain. I have, over the last few years, starting identifying myself as a few things:

Chef

Chef Tess

Cookbook Author

Baker

Wife

Mom

TV personality

It wasn't until about a month ago when I really started to focus again on my REAL identity that things have started to settle in my life. Confession.  I had stopped going to church for several months. At a time when I should have run desperately and helplessly into the arms of God, I withdrew. I made the excuse that it was mainly because I was so intensely tired at the end of the exhausting work week (and yes, I'm still struggling with a brain tumor  that gives me remarkable pain most days), and then it just got easy to not go because I had been away for so long and I didn't really feel like anyone really missed me anyway. At least, I told myself I wasn't missed.  Look. It was a mistake to think that way. 

In retrospect, I realize that my depression and dark feelings were in fact a direct result of missing that fundamental weekly refocusing on my eternal perspective. It didn't matter what else happened in the week. I just needed to go. Is any church  perfect? Nope. Church isn't perfect because people are there and people are dorks.  People are broken. They're there at church to learn just like you.

Sometimes they make mistakes or say thoughtless things.  Sometimes people will break your heart. 

People are not God. 

Jesus Christ  and His Gospel are perfect.

I said to myself  at the end of a particularly painful week, "If you're going to church to get people's opinion, you're going for the wrong reason. The only opinion that matters is the opinion of your Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. They asked you to be there every week. The end. That's the request from a Loving Father who knows what you need more than you do." 

So...I did go back. 

Yesterday I reconnected with my darling friend Tara. We baked like we did seven years ago when I first started this little blog and the incredible journey that has come from sharing my adventures here. I finally feel like a cloud has lifted. 

She's my sister in Christ. So sibling baking is totally cool.

I'm still a chef. Chef Tess. Baker. Author. You know the list that you call yourself to strangers.

From now on however, the first and foremost identity that you can bank on, is that I know who I am and who has my best interests in mind. No matter what I have an absolute trust that He allows me some suffering, some discouragement, some struggle because that is what real good Fathers do...they raise up their children. He will raise me up to walk on stormy seas. He will walk with me through fire. He will never, no never, forsake his child. If I ever forget that, just give me a little nudge. I'll nudge you too. We are, after all, Children of the Most High God. 

Happy Sunday my darlings. 

Love Always,

Daughter of God

Tess

Bread of Life: Being Yourself Anyway

Sunday is the day I share a little of my soul. Enjoy.

Tuesday of this week I got the chance to go back to TV. It was a personal victory. 

It had been a few months since my last segment, due to a heavy work schedule and also some struggles with body image and stuff...you know...stuff. I talked about it a few weeks ago here, but I didn't really go into details. Suffice it to say, that the producer asked me to come back on the show again in a few days and it was a huge boost to my confidence.

I had to swing by work on the way home and ran into some dear friends that I had not seen for several years...and we ended up having lunch together at the bistro.  It was great to see these dear ladies again and share an hour or two. 

 There is something incredible about spending time at a delicious meal surrounded by genuine warmth of friendship that has spanned the course of two decades. I am so grateful to the gloriously real women who let me sit down to their table at lunch and walk away at the end of our time together feeling deeply encouraged in heart, renewed in spirit and empowered in purpose! Ladies...thank you for being real! I love you!

One of the gals said something, "Did it help to share your struggle with body image on your blog?"  I've thought about it...and yes it does. It helps a lot. 

There's a certain part of me that would just rather not ever be in the public eye. It is the same part of me that wants everyone to like me and be my friend. I assume that because I have an open heart and love everyone I meet that everyone else should be the same. I would rather ere on the side of common courtesy than try and say hurtful things about anyone. Even then, there are always going to be a few who just stink it up wherever they go and say horrid things. You and I will never please everyone.  Everyone will not like you or me. I'm learning to accept that and move on. It is hard to do!

 That brings me to to this week's thought for Sunday.  You will always be too much of something for someone. Be yourself anyway. 

The masses will have contradicting opinions of you:

Too fat, too thin, 

too tall, too short, 

too happy, too serious, 

too righteous, too imperfect, 

too much something...

Haters will hate. They'll say incredibly rude things about you. If there's merit to the critical words, take them, but don't dwell on them.  That's hard to do. It's an extremely mature person who can take a criticism and judge if it is justified. Sometimes they cut to your heart because you know they can be fixed or they are faults you are working to fix. Take a hard look at yourself.  It might be hard to shake it off but here are my thoughts today...

Listen to the people who believe in you and your dreams. 

Listen to those who know you, cheer for you and stand with you. 

Listen to those who will publicly defend you and their alliance with you! 

Be humble, but don't be too sensitive. 

Trust in the Lord and live as a true example of a believer.  

Remember He had critics who crucified him and he was innocent and perfect. 

You're going to get grief if you're trying to be good.

Don't judge others. 

 Move on.

 Let it go. 

Breath. 

Be yourself anyway! 

Go!

There it is.

Always My Very Best,

Your Friend Tess

Bread of Life Section: True Identity

Sunday is the day I share a little of my soul. Enjoy.

I don't have a lot to say this week. I just wanted to share a little insight from my life. I hope it helps your life.  

I did a lot with TV and classes this week. I visited 3 different television shows. I taught over a hundred people how to cook at cooking classes. I baked a lot of bakery orders.   In between that I was mom and wife and daughter-in-law. I'm not going to lie... I felt frazzled. I felt tired. I felt incredibly stressed.  Somewhere in there I also felt overwhelming peace as I walked my path. 

When did it start?  I have a Christian friend named Jane who reached out to me and prayed with me. Literally. Jane stopped in the middle of our conversation and had a prayer with me...right in the middle aisle of her store. It was awesome. She reminded me by her example of being a believer that I am first a disciple of Christ. Always.   

A few days later I had opportunities presented to me that would help support my family until I can find full-time employment.  An old friend reached out to me, one I had lost contact with, but  who was baptized just a few years after we first met. I got to see his family and the joy they have found following Christ. I have to admit I cried a lot after our reunion. Not because of the work he gave me (even though that is awesome and appreciated) but because of the path his choices have taken his family. 

 I found joy. I found gratitude.

The most amazing moments of the week were those when I remembered that no matter what I face, I am not really a chef, wife, mom, or teacher.  I am...His daughter. My friends who are followers are with me. My friends who don't care what I believe are still my friends.  I am loved, not because of what I do or what I accomplish, but because I am a His daughter. 

  Focusing on that has been an amazing gift this week. It has carried me forward.  

So that is my thought for today.  Breathe. Rest when you need to...and keep moving onward and upward.

There it is.

Always My Very Best,
Your Sister Tess

Bread of Life Section: Courage and Faith in Trials

Sunday is the day I share a little of my soul. Enjoy. 



I've had one of the most difficult weeks...and I have to share this. I'm not really sharing any details of my trial here on the blog. Those who are close to me know what our family is facing.   Being brave doesn't mean you're  not afraid. When we know we don't want to face a challenge, but we know we don't have any other options, that is where we can rely on Faith or we can shrink in fear.
Surviving is about three things: Gratitude,Courage,  and Faith. 

Gratitude in All things...even trials. I'm not always perfect at this, but I have been a lot better this week at recognizing my blessings daily. Yup. It is easy to look at someone else's life and see their blessings. I for one have been guilty of not remembering some of the most basic blessings in the past. You know...family close, living parents and siblings, children, the ability to breath, see, read, speak, feed my family, tie my shoes, have shoes...  
Stream of consciousness gratitude prayers are the best. Do you ever do these? The prayer I uttered on Saturday after the BBQ festival was, "Thanks for my bishops wife for letting me have deer meat from her freezer.  Oh she's so cute. Oh...Thanks for bishop for shooting a deer (yeah, if you were not at the roadkill cooking demo that won't make sense to you).  Thanks for a car that made it to the event...Oh it is so cute, even if it has stains on the seat.  Thanks for deodorant that worked and great warm weather...and that I didn't have to wear "Daisy Dukes"...because those are not cute (on me).   Thanks for that darling lady who drove me in a golf cart to my car so I didn't have to carry all my load by myself.  Help her get some sleep tonight. She was working hard.  Oh. Thanks for gas working on the grill and for the oven turning on.  Thanks for me not cutting off a finger. Thanks for friends who support me and give me courage at the demo.  They were so fun.  Thanks for steady hands and a cheerful heart..." It went on for a long time. It went far.

Do we really need to understand everything?
I've had one of those weeks where I've been frustrated. I don't understand the trial. I don't understand what I am supposed to be doing more...and then I had this thought come to me, "If you really trust Heavenly Father like you say you do then it really doesn't matter what you understand right now about this trial. It only matters that you understand that God is with you." 

You know what else?
 Rely on those who believe in you and the power of love during your trials. Tender mercies of thoughtful words can build faith enough to carry on when nothing else seems to touch our pain. I love that my mom cried with me on the phone this week.  I loved getting a random card in the mail from her that said, "Remember you are dearly beloved of God. Your father and I pray for you daily and hourly." It was in a yellow envelope, like a ray of sunshine from above.

Be the voice of courage to others.
Auntie Em told me today chatting on facebook, "Have courage to ask for help, and have courage that the Lord will open the doors for your life... when you knock. I am so proud of you! Your courage to move forward and WORK SO HARD (you are knocking pretty steadily!) is awesome. Because the alternative is to despair and shrink away. And that is not an option. I love you tons, turkey buns!"

Do the small things.  So my challenge to you and myself is to stand up for what needs to stand up for and do what needs to done. It sounds simple, but sometimes it all that we can do. Sigh at the end of a light day. Whisper your prayers to the Lord...He hears you even when you can't speak and there doesn't seem to be a voice for the blessings you need.  Have courage to get up in the morning and try again. God is aware of you.

There it is.

Always My Very Best,
Your Friend Chef Tess

What Happens to a Mommie Blogger When The Kids Grow Up?

Confessions of a lonely mom-blogger.  

Maybe it is just me, or have any of you other moms noticed a perfect lack of blogging geared toward moms of teenagers? There's a ton for moms with small kids. I was there. I did it. I miss it. Seriously though, go back and see all the ideas. I think we did some brilliant stuff!

This week, my youngest turned 11.  I've been here on the blog for 5 years. I realized he wasn't the same kid of a few years back when instead of asking for cake, he asked for sugar-free gulten-free protein brownies

..and take-out artichoke pizza.  

The easy way was okay (actually delicious)...I just miss it all being "Just Mommie's homemade Stuff". 

He didn't want a birthday party. He wanted to go shopping with me for his latest hydroponic science project supplies.  

He also didn't want to hold my hand at the store. Even though I'd been holding those hands since the first time we met.

I didn't like that...at all...(insert sniffing and emotional blubbering here).

I miss posting about the cute kid mixing brownies wearing a homemade apron.

I miss Droopie diaper photo-shots...Though truth be known, I don't miss the inside mess of those diapers.

I miss posting about the adventures with our one-on-one play-dates.

I miss photo shots of gatherings of giggling adorable faces when friends came to cook. 

 Though truth be known, I don't miss cleaning up all the extra chaos.  Okay. Maybe cleaning up the brownie bowls was okay. 

I miss posting ideas for their birthday parties.  I miss making the clever crafts and nifty-do-dads.  I don't miss...the sleep I deprived myself of to keep up with the other gals in church who were doing the same.

The crazy-creative party this year was replaced with a quiet one-on-one lunch at his favorite restaurant with his publicly lame (unable to hold-her-hand at the grocery store yet still privately pretty cool) mom. 

In reality, I rarely see a single post on Pinterest about teenager birthday parties. Probably because nobody's kids want them to post them.  If it got back to any of their peers that they had a Lego-Batman party with a black-and-grey color scheme, it would kill their social life.  I'm okay with that. This year.  

Catching a glimpse.

Yesterday we went to a "joined birthday" for him and his 4 year old cousin.  It was such a blessing to have my sister-in-law just take over and plan it.  We showed up with pizza and soda...and one tween boy who I thought for sure was going to die of embarrassment.  Everything was decorated pink for his little girl cousin...and he didn't say a word.  I thought he'd be annoyed but he wasn't.  In fact, he sat really sweet and played really nice with all the cousins.  He had a great time.   He's such a doll.  I bawled all the way home...in my mind.

Why? 

Because somewhere in the middle of the chaos, there was still a moment of " Oh meee-gosh!!  Precious-cute"  There was still, sitting across the table from me, an adorable boy with a dimple...and a cake.  

Plus. I realized that someday, if I play my cards right and keep trying to be the mom who teaches this boy how to become a descent human being with values, character, and all the emotional stability of a gentleman...that someday, I will get to repeat the blogging, but with my grand-babies. 

 Hopefully later than sooner on the babies. I'm just trying to come to grips with them learning how to drive soon...and Little Man starting to shave.

So if it seems like I'm not posting as much about the kids, just realize that I'm now the mom of two little almost men who have grown into people who give-a-stink about what I post.  I'm trying to be their "safe place".  They want to make sure the pictures are not embarrassing. Note: I may never post a picture again of anything that mentions bodily functions or smell-bad socks.  Moms. You know I'm in the middle of all of that right? It just changed from diapers to deodorant. It changed from rattles and pacifiers to razors and pimple-cream. I don't know how it happened either, but I'm adjusting.  I think.

In all reality, though I knew in the back of my mind that it was supposed to happen, I just really have a hard time almost every single day, coming to grips with the fact that we're no longer this family...

That I'm not really living this reality anymore...

Or that life could ever really change as much as it has.

The one great joy in my life that will always be constant however, is the knowledge that we will always be a family.  

Bless my children's heart...they're stuck with me...No matter how weird that gets.

No matter what, I'll never ever regret what sacrifice it took to make those golden memories.  Even with an unsure future, there will always be memories of epic proportion. 

There it is.

Always My Very Best,

Your Friend Chef Tess