Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Tungsten Brick

It's late Sunday night, still enough time to write my Sunday post. You know the one where I share part of my soul. Today, I wanted to share a thought about Tungsten. What?! You may have a very limited knowledge of the compound, Tungsten, but looking at this 8 inch brick, you may assume, by it's appearance, that it is in fact a normal piece of steel. However, my husband received this particular brick from a Nascar team that came to do testing at a GM facility previous to a race. It rode around in a crazy car and did a wonderful job of weighing a lot. Indeed, it is 71% heavier than lead. I'm not exaggerating when I say it takes both hands to lift it...and I've lifted fifty pound bags of flour all my adult life. This bad boy is heavy. I have often reasoned myself into joyful delusion when getting on my scale at home by thinking my bones (and no other part of my body could be to blame) must be made of tungsten. It weighs more that fat. My logic is undeniable. In my mind anyway.

Why do I bring this up today? far as a freaky heavy block of ore, one would think we'd keep it somewhere the garage. No. Not so. It is in the closet next to the shoe rack. Right next to, you guessed it, my left pinkie toe. Sometimes it reminds me of it's existence by allowing no room for movement, followed by a sharp pain in my foot (that may or may not be followed with cuss words) depending on how much of a hurry I'm in. One thing I have become aware of is my ability to remember it's there, even though I don't look at it. Sometimes I even remember to not wedge my pinkie toe up against it violently. It's always nice to not have to cuss in my closet. The irony...why have the brick there at all? Why keep it in a place where it will cause me any grief whatsoever? Why not just give it to someone who can use it or move it a safe distance from my feet?

Anyone see where this is going? I moved it. I wondered why I didn't move it a month ago. My conclusion? Why don't I get rid of a lot of things that weigh me down and cause me pain? Why hold on to that? Why? Is it fear of not knowing where it may be...or being accustomed to the pain that object gives? As odd as that may sound, as a human I see it time and time again. Does anyone else keep guilt, fears, shame, doubts, sins or faults that are not only holding them back, but becoming down right painful stumbling blocks? Is it time to empty out the bottom of the closet?

Just a thought I'm sending out to the great universe tonight and wondering out loud...and letting go. Thanks to the Lord for helping me see it as it is. His tender mercies never cease to amaze me.


Goob said...

I think we as women are especially prone to keeping stumbling blocks around as if they were dear pets. But when it comes to guilt, or shame, I once had an "aha" the middle of some reopening of a particularly painful grievious wound. A voice came to me and said "Who are YOU to think that you can suffer more thoroughly, more greatly, more completely than Christ himself? Did he not already do the suffering on your behalf?" It was then that I finally understood what repentance really means. It is more than saying I was wrong, I'm sorry. It is about forgiving ourselves and giving ourselves permission to move forward to discover our very best selves, regardless of which stumbling blocks we may have passed on the journey.
I just love your mind and how it works. You always have such a good allegory to share.

A in NL said...

It seems like a great place for that thing would be in the back of a pickup during winter, to add ballast.

Did you change your picture? It looks like your hair colour's changed.

Chef Tess said...

Lisa...thank you! Love your comments always. A in NL, yes, my hair is now a stunning auburn thanks to my niece who needed a color model for her job at the hair salon. It has taken me a few weeks to get used to it.

mlebagley said...

Why indeed...painful and annoying is sometimes easier then letting go of our sins. They are so comfortable! And when we turn our lives (and our bad habits) over to God we have to trust in HIM more than us. Trust that he will make something more of us than the one ever said fait was easy, eh? I loved your thoughts today! Thank you, as always, for sharing.

aswesow said...

Thats good reading, more than that it is a good inspiration