If one is trying to eat healthy and find one's self late at night at the end of a rough day looking at old pictures of Butterscotch Blondies with Chocolate Chips and Walnuts in
one's photo files...is it wrong? Note I didn't say I personally was looking at the food porn. Daggummit. I have been. There. See, I can be real. I think what it all comes down to is the evil word: Desire.
I desire celery to taste like a blond brownie so I don't even harbor any guilt whatsoever even looking at it. Should I resort to making celery Blondies? Oh...I just threw up a little in my mouth just then at the mere mention of it. Sorry. I shouldn't say that on the blog. I should keep my gerd issues to myself.
Okay, here's the deal.
As I've embarked on this one year journey of weight loss with the Biggest Loser In The Family , I have seen a trend. When I stress out, I want junk. I saw the trend before the challenge, but now it's a little more magnified. Today was an especially stressful day. Yet, sugar for me is worse than what I imagine alcohol would be if I drank wine. How did I get through culinary school without tasting wine? It wasn't easy. I don't even cook with it for that reason. I don't want to start. What if I liked it? Weird...a chef who doesn't cook with wine. I think by admitting that I may have lost the entire country of France as followers. However, just knowing how I am with sugar, I can't imagine how hard the alcohol addiction would be to break.
Sugar is a powerful drug to me. Not everyone has a problem with it. How can I even be a pastry chef and have sugar issues?! Yikes! Just gained the entire state of Utah as followers. So, true confession...I really want to eat a Blondie. I'm not going to, because I made a commitment to myself that I was going forward with this challenge no matter what. I want my kids to see me face a real challenge and fight! Today, not even a nibble. I'm pretty sure it would lead to a full out binge.
I'm now willing to hand this craving over to a Higher Power and admit...I can't do this alone. There. Have mercy on me. "Dear Lord, reach down and change my heart."
If you have similar struggles, I'm with you. If you've never craved junk food ever...I cannot relate to you right now. In fact, I want to slap you. Okay...maybe just a little slap. "Dear Lord, help me not to slap that insensitive person who never had food issues and scoffs those who do..." There. I feel better already. My dear friend Kathy once said, "Why is it that watching a fat person exercise is motivating, and watching a skinny chick exercise is annoying?" There's some food for thought.
That's all I have to say about that.
See more about the one year challenge on Face Book: Biggest Loser In The Family