Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Chefs and Drug Dealers...random thoughts

I'm pretty sure that for a food addict, I am in the wrong profession. Yes, my name is Stephanie Petersen, and I'm a food-a-holic. I realized that random fact about twenty years too late. So, I will be talking myself out of some things here on the blog, as a continued effort to make sure I'm keeping it real. I also realize that my greatest weakness may someday be my greatest I'm venting here so others will see that success is the progressive realization of a worth while dream. Tonight, I need help. Here goes.

If one is trying to eat healthy and find one's self late at night at the end of a rough day looking at old pictures of Butterscotch Blondies with Chocolate Chips and Walnuts in
one's photo it wrong? Note I didn't say I personally was looking at the food porn. Daggummit. I have been. There. See, I can be real. I think what it all comes down to is the evil word: Desire.

I desire celery to taste like a blond brownie so I don't even harbor any guilt whatsoever even looking at it. Should I resort to making celery Blondies? Oh...I just threw up a little in my mouth just then at the mere mention of it. Sorry. I shouldn't say that on the blog. I should keep my gerd issues to myself.
Okay, here's the deal.
As I've embarked on this one year journey of weight loss with the Biggest Loser In The Family , I have seen a trend. When I stress out, I want junk. I saw the trend before the challenge, but now it's a little more magnified. Today was an especially stressful day. Yet, sugar for me is worse than what I imagine alcohol would be if I drank wine. How did I get through culinary school without tasting wine? It wasn't easy. I don't even cook with it for that reason. I don't want to start. What if I liked it? Weird...a chef who doesn't cook with wine. I think by admitting that I may have lost the entire country of France as followers. However, just knowing how I am with sugar, I can't imagine how hard the alcohol addiction would be to break.
Sugar is a powerful drug to me. Not everyone has a problem with it. How can I even be a pastry chef and have sugar issues?! Yikes! Just gained the entire state of Utah as followers. So, true confession...I really want to eat a Blondie. I'm not going to, because I made a commitment to myself that I was going forward with this challenge no matter what. I want my kids to see me face a real challenge and fight! Today, not even a nibble. I'm pretty sure it would lead to a full out binge.
I'm now willing to hand this craving over to a Higher Power and admit...I can't do this alone. There. Have mercy on me. "Dear Lord, reach down and change my heart."
If you have similar struggles, I'm with you. If you've never craved junk food ever...I cannot relate to you right now. In fact, I want to slap you. Okay...maybe just a little slap. "Dear Lord, help me not to slap that insensitive person who never had food issues and scoffs those who do..." There. I feel better already. My dear friend Kathy once said, "Why is it that watching a fat person exercise is motivating, and watching a skinny chick exercise is annoying?" There's some food for thought.
That's all I have to say about that.

See more about the one year challenge on Face Book: Biggest Loser In The Family


Lynn said...

Oh Chef Tess, I do feel your pain. I can't eat all of the goodies that I would love to eat, so I follow about 20 food blogs. Your blog is always #1, but I also love foodgawker. There are always great varieties of pictures etc there. I love to look at the pictures, even if I can not eat much of it. The great thing about this blog is that there is everything from raw all of the way through the carnivore thing.
I must look and not touch. I crave the savory more than sweets though. Good luck with the willpower thing.

Coby said...

Hi, my name is Coby, and I too am addicted to sugar. Good for you taking on the challenge of not eating sugar. I used to try and fight it, but now I just exercise regularly and then I can eat the sweet stuff, in moderation, and still be healthy! Works for me.

rosemary said...

Sigggghhhh! See, I try. I do. Thanx to the laptop I purchased recently I have an exercise routine. (DVD player malfunction & power cuts problems before.) Somehow i crave something sweet or meaty or nutty before going to bed. For the better part of the time, I give in. Praying the same prayer as you always. Weekdays are better because I just eat a roll and fruit during the day. Weekends are bad because I will be home........ COOKING & BAKING!! Siggghhh!

Chef Tess said...

Unfortunate for me is the fact that sugar is like my own personal form of heroine...I have to fight it every day or I just get sucked into this downward spiral. So, as much as I would love to just have some now and then...I've never had that end well for me. Usually end up in the morning with skittles between my teeth and a sugar hang over. Not pretty. Funny when the skittles end up matted in my hair though.

Mama Peck said...

Oh, Tess,we are kindred spirits! I have lost 45 pounds this year by painfully fighting the same sugar addiction as you. Alcoholism runs in my family and I'm convinced that this is just another manifestation of that disease. Hang in there. You can do it! I have faith in you. ((hugs))

Goob said...

I found myself in this exact situation yesterday, only involving Peanut Butter Cookies, and I lost the battle. When I returned home for the morning, I told JP, now my biggest challenge for the day is going to be to not binge. I'm pretty sure what I did with those cookies would meet binge criteria....and yet I knew that was going to be my biggest challenge for the day...and I still lost.

Unknown said...

My name is Carol and I have issues with sugar and carbs.
This past April, I joined friends in my community on a weight management plan that takes on both of these issues from the get-go. The first 6 weeks, no refined sugars, no white flour, bread, pasta, or potatoes; calorie counting etc. Eventually bread and potatoes were allowed with portion restrictions. I recognize that I have a problem refraining from breads!!!!! I've decided that for now I must refrain from them totally again. Potatoes..ehh, not a big draw but I'm a baker... Baking cookies for a friend yesterday and.
I tasted.... Argh!!! I'm revisiting the workbook for the first 6 weeks all over again- dealt with reasons for over indulging, addiction to sugar and carbs....
I did get a new cookbook the other day that uses no refined sugar, no white flour and am looking forward to utilizing it regularly on this journey to good health. My weight loss goal was set one year out and I'm confident that IF I avoid the call of the sugar, and get a grip on the carbs' influences, I will achieve the numbers as well as knowing myself better.
Love your site, Tess, but there are days when I'm not very strong and I cannot linger due to the marvelous photography and subject matter.
I'm SO glad that my Lord gives me a new day to start again. Thanks, Tess, for your post, your concern-

mlebagley said...

Ahh... me too! Flavors and textures. My friends but also my worst enemies!