Our Legacy...They Won't Be Children Forever

  This week,  greater opportunities have been presented to our little family that I could ever imagine and I'm almost speechless.  Part of that opportunity included leaving home this week for some work.
In the middle of packing my suitcase  I found a note from my son.  He had hidden it the pocket of the suitcase and by chance I read his words.  The note gave me courage to walk onto an airplane and take on a new challenge I was facing.  The challenge was that of becoming a full time working mom.  I have enjoyed, for 12 years being home with the kids and despite all the challenges that it entailed, I realized that the season would not always be.  I knew they would grow up and not be babies forever.  After much prayer and thought and with much needed insight from the Holy Ghost in this matter we decided that it was okay.  It was time.  Ace could be home a lot more with the kids and his parents...and I could do more work outside the home.  Every family has to decide for themselves what they need to do to make things work for their family.  

I've been in Utah this week with my parents and extended family and friends teaching how to bake bread and use grain among many other magnificent adventures at the Honeyville Farms Preparedness Fair.  In the middle of all of my running and working I flipped open one of my manuals I use to instruct classes.  Inside was that same note from my son Face.  It said...

I thought of his face and why I had nicknamed him "Face".   His expressions and manerisms are so perfectly a combination of my husband and me.

 

I thought about my oldest son Little Man and the joy we'd had cooking together. I thought of all the funny things he has ever said and how much I just melt into a ball of jello when he holds my hand at the grocery store...even now, at age 12.  I can't imagine what lies ahead in my new job or this new phase of life.  What I can imagine however, is the fact that my love for them will never change. I can imagine us continuing to build on the foundations of love that we have laid.  I can imagine that the day will come that they will look at me as my mother did this week and say, "You have become more than I could have ever hoped. I'm so proud to be your mom."    I instantly thought of how hard it must have been for my own mother to go back to work full time and how I had seen her cry when women, unknowing our family situation, had said hurtful words about her ability to be a good mom and still work.  I'm thankful she did what needed to be done.  Now, as an adult I see through a different pair of eyes...and I understand what she had to do.  It's made me appreciate her powerful spirit even more. 

I now know that there really is no way to be the perfect mother. I'm not trying to be perfect. I'm trying to be what I know God wants me to be. I'm far short of perfect. I always will be.  I can't compare myself to anyone else.  I can't live in fear that someone else might think I'm being a bad mom for working.   I don't want to be better than anyone else...I just want to be better than I am today and move forward. I want to be my best self and help my children be what they should be. Everyone must choose for themselves how to best make that happen.

I will never regret the years I was home. Setting aside my career for those golden years when the babies were small seemed too much. The work I put into being a full time mom was harder than anything I had ever done.  Now it's time.  I'm ready.  I'm still going to be the mom but I won't consider working as a job. It will be a labor of love. It will enable my family to do things together and grow in whole new areas. I know I am building a legacy for my children that started when they were born. 

 I am ever thankful for the strong pioneer man and women who I am able to call  my father and mother.  They came from strong stock. All those who came before me have given me a legacy of Love.  I think of  my grandparents, my aunts, and my friends.  Those who, despite the challenges placed before them, looked forward with faith and worked hard to instill a strong Legacy in their children. 

Gordon B. Hinkley once saide, “To you I say with all of the energy of which I am capable, do not become a weak link in the chain of your generations. You come to the world with a marvelous inheritance. You come of great men and women. … Never let them down. Never do anything which would weaken the chain of which you are a fundamental part”.  I thank the Lord every day that I know He Lives.  I know He loves me.  I know He's standing by my side as I step into this new phase of life...and it gives me courage that is stronger than fear. I'm also ever so grateful that when they were small...that I did beg God to leave it like it is...and somehow they grew up. Thank you Cherie Call for putting into music the thoughts of my heart this week....