Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Chocolate Waffles of Women's Divine Happiness

 I'm a waffle person. I really am. I shouldn't share this with you but I have got this waffle problem. Wait. She's just using the word "waffle" instead of "awful". What a dork.  I love evil chocolate waffles. They're delightfully divine and well...I shouldn't eat them endlessly. On the other hand...there are five fingers. Look. If chocolate sugar free 9 grain waffles are covered with a no-sugar added natural tart-sweet strawberry amaretto compote with toasted walnuts and fresh slices of banana, I'm really not being evil right? I'm sharing some bliss. Right?

I know what you're thinking,"Enough talk. Spill the beans sista'!" I hear ya. Don't get your girdle in a twist. I can only type so fast and then I need more chocolate to keep up my strength.We've discussed this phenomenon in depth among the ladies and here it is.

 The unmistakable woman chocolate truth:
  • Truth: Never underestimate the power of a woman who needs to eat chocolate and still fit into her jeans. It's an evil vortex of genius.
  •  Truth: All  really bad  female headaches can only be cured by rubbing an intense dark sea salt soiree bar in the mouth and counting to 100.
  •  Truth: The secret cure  to female moodiness that has baffled husbands for years is to do a choc-incantation while holding a chocolate doughnut with each index finger for added balance. This incantation must be done while wearing chocolate ceremonial garb...
  •  Woman wearing ceremonial garb must also be  watching at least 2 hours of Pride and Prejudice...particular during a certain cycle of the moon that will only be discussed in secret woman circles (in hushed tones) for fear that men will actually understand us.
 **Men Please note: there are 3 days in the month that men must never question the seemingly evil chocolate force that overtakes a girl and can only be cured by creamy smooth dark squares of chocolate taken orally...and alone. Let her hide in a closet undisturbed during this phase and you will find peace in the land. Deny her chocolate during this phase...and sleep on the couch with a pillow over your...never mind. I've been told that during menopause this phase is extended from 3 days to 3 years. I'm getting a villa in France for that phase Here.

 To my husband Ace, I'm sorry. 3 years is a long time but I think it would be better if you didn't see me like that. Knowing Ace, he'll probably follow me anyway and just pat my shoulder and say (in a hushed tone), "poor, poor, thing." {By the way if you've never seen my favorite movie Harvey then that last "poor, poor, thing" won't mean a thing to you.}
 There is however, the very high chance that Ace will  throw  his hands in the air and say, "FINE!#$*%***# Have it your way Mrs. INSANE!!...France is really nice this time of year!"  

Here we go ladies. It is time to be sucked into the vortex of evil genius. I sense there is still some good in you. { Giggle. Giggle.}

Chef Tess' Chocolate Waffles of Woman's Divine Happiness

2 cups 9 Grain Baking Mix or My homemade bisquick
1/2 c baker's cocoa
1 tsp Sweet Leaf Stevia Drops stevia drops (I love the vanilla or hazelnut flavored ones)
1/3 cup Whole egg powder or 3/4 cup egg whites or 3 eggs
1/2 tsp grated orange zest (optional)
1 3/4 cup water (use only 1 1/4 cup water if you use real egg)

Directions: Combine all ingredients.

Vanilla creme stevia drops are perhaps my favorite.
 Bake in a well oiled waffle iron. Serve warm with any sugar-free fruit topping of your choice. I use mashed fresh strawberries, and some frozen raspberries topped with some toasted walnuts and banana. 

 Eat chocolate waffles on any day that you as a female crave chocolate. That would be, of course, any day that ends in the letter "y"...As in " y-not eat chocolate today"...and "y-question my authority as a woman?"Wait. She's just using the letter "Y" in place of the word "why". What a dork.

There you go. Make chocolate waffles. Fit in your jeans still. Your training is complete.

Always My Very Best,
Your Friend Chef Tess


my diary said...

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Rajesk kumar said...

very nice and awesome presentation...
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